So, hey y’all. My last post about losing weight was posted on the day I got pregnant, so you can guess how well that is going. LOL. Needless to say, I’m not on Adipex, or a lot of my other medicines anymore. The transition to life without anti-anxiety meds (Xanax and Ativan) has been interesting, I’m trying to lay as low as possible so nothing triggers me, and that is working so far. Except for the sickness. That sends me right into a tizzy. I’m down to taking only 60 mg of Prozac and 120 mg of Geodon daily. Oh, and Zofran and a Pre-Natal vitamin with DHA. So, my meds are in order for now, and at least that is settled. What’s not settled though is, I think, a bigger deal.
So, I’m pregnant. That’s great. It’s what I wanted. So why am I not thrilled? Let me back that up. I’m not upset that I’m pregnant. Nor am I enthralled. I just AM. I don’t know if numb is the best to describe the feeling or just absent of joy? I just thought that I would instantly feel this connection, this adoration for the fetus, and I don’t. I don’t feel pregnant aside from the vomiting. Is that weird? I wouldn’t say I’m in denial or anything. It just hasn’t hit home yet, I guess. Trying to work through this is tough. The med change certainly doesn’t make me feel better. I feel like I should feel bad for feeling this way, but I don’t. I’m not excited about shopping for baby things or maternity wear. Honestly, I dread the clothes shopping, My body is something I was unhappy with to start, so this obviously doesn’t help things. I am worried about how my body will change, and if it will ever be thin again. Not that that REALLY matters, but you know, it matters.
SO, this is my question. Am I alone in feeling this way? Is this disconnect normal until you have a sonogram and then it all becomes real? I just can’t argue with how this pregnancy is changing my feelings, and not changing them at the same time. I have an appointment with my shrink soon, and something tells me talking to a middle aged man about this isn’t really going to offer me any transformational advice, lol. Should I be concerned about this? Or am I just over-thinking the situation? Obviously, I want to be a great mother or not one at all, andI am already a bundle of worry. Please don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Tell me the truth. Should I be concerned, or should I just relax? Thanks for helping me along this journey.
the bipolar wonderland 